Programming Jokes [Nerds Only :p]

You fount good programming/nerdy joke? Share it :D/>

So, I'll start:

These aren't really programming jokes. They're just webcomics from xkcd.

Most of them are about programming tho…

Why does programers allways mix up haloween and christmas?

because OKT 31 is DEZ 24 :D/>

This is possibly the most unfunny joke I've ever heard, but, I get a small chuckle out of it none the less.

Java walks into the CPU and sits down. It looks to the OS and asks "What's on the menu?" The OS replies "Nothing, you've already eating all of the ram and swap".

Freack100, on 19 July 2013 - 07:31 AM said:

Why does programers allways mix up haloween and christmas?

because OKT 31 is DEZ 24 :D/>/>

That's wrong! Christmas is DEC 25. DEC 24 would be OCT 30.

KingOfNoobs, on 19 July 2013 - 10:03 AM said:

Freack100, on 19 July 2013 - 07:31 AM said:

Why does programers allways mix up haloween and christmas?

because OKT 31 is DEZ 24 :D/>/>/>

That's wrong! Christmas is DEC 25. DEC 24 would be OCT 30.

Really?

Half of the point of xkcd is the "alt-text" (technically the title text) for each image. You should link to the pages rather than hotlinking the images.

Spoiler

for i = 1, 500 do													
print("I will not throw paper at the teacher")		
end	

Would your IT teacher accept this for detention?

Don't we already have a jokes topic?

I'm thinking this is unnecessary, considering you are just posting ONE comic…
We can all go to the damned site and read all of those.

ZudoHackz, on 19 July 2013 - 11:14 AM said:

Spoiler

for i = 1, 500 do													
print("I will not throw paper at the teacher")		
end	

Would your IT teacher accept this for detention?

I would accept this if I was a teacher.

ZudoHackz, on 19 July 2013 - 11:14 AM said:

Spoiler

for i = 1, 500 do													
print("I will not throw paper at the teacher")		
end	

Would your IT teacher accept this for detention?

No, he wouldn't due to lack of indentation. :P/>

and its in lua wich is waaaay to easy :P/>
make it in C instead

PixelToast, on 19 July 2013 - 09:14 PM said:

and its in lua wich is waaaay to easy :P/>/>
make it in C instead

C is easy too. Do it in Assembly!

section .data
text: db "I will not throw paper at the teacher.", 0x0A
len: equ $-text

section .text
    global _start

_start:
    push 0

    loop:
        mov eax, 4
        mov ebx, 1
        mov ecx, text
        mov edx, len
        int 0x80

        inc dword [esp]
        cmp dword [esp], 500
        jl loop

    pop edx
    mov eax, 1
    mov ebx, 0
    int 0x80

Guy wants to borrow 500$ from his friend. He got 512$ to "round it up" :D/>

Do you want to hear a UDP joke?
Nevermind you probably won't get it.


The only one I can currently think of.

Why do many Java users wear glasses?
Because the don't C-Sharp!

They said Java sucks… I made them return false;

Fount in heavily commented shell script:

# export data
export DATA

There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

There are 10 types of people in world: Those who understand binary, those who don't and those who haven't thought it is tenary joke :-)

Mads, on 20 July 2013 - 03:56 AM said:

PixelToast, on 19 July 2013 - 09:14 PM said:

and its in lua wich is waaaay to easy :P/>/>
make it in C instead

C is easy too. Do it in Assembly!

section .data
text: db "I will not throw paper at the teacher.", 0x0A
len: equ $-text

section .text
	global _start

_start:
	push 0

	loop:
		mov eax, 4
		mov ebx, 1
		mov ecx, text
		mov edx, len
		int 0x80

		inc dword [esp]
		cmp dword [esp], 500
		jl loop

	pop edx
	mov eax, 1
	mov ebx, 0
	int 0x80

Assembly is too easy, do it in notepad

Not exactly programming jokes i guess but:
What does the “B” in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Answer: Benoit B Mandelbrot.

and

A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d like a beer.” The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?” “Yes,” replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.”


A bit more about programming but not exactly a joke:

Pinkishu, on 26 July 2013 - 09:39 AM said:

A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d like a beer.” The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?” “Yes,” replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.”

Somehow it reminded me off another joke.

Warning: Not a programmers joke.

Me: Dad, I'm hungry.
Dad: Hello Hungry, I'm dad.
Me: Dad, I'm serious.
Dad: No, you are hungry.
Me: You are dumb.
Dad: Nope, I'm dad.

Pinkishu, on 26 July 2013 - 09:39 AM said:

Mads, on 20 July 2013 - 03:56 AM said:

PixelToast, on 19 July 2013 - 09:14 PM said:

and its in lua wich is waaaay to easy :P/>/>
make it in C instead

C is easy too. Do it in Assembly!

section .data
text: db "I will not throw paper at the teacher.", 0x0A
len: equ $-text

section .text
	global _start

_start:
	push 0

	loop:
		mov eax, 4
		mov ebx, 1
		mov ecx, text
		mov edx, len
		int 0x80

		inc dword [esp]
		cmp dword [esp], 500
		jl loop

	pop edx
	mov eax, 1
	mov ebx, 0
	int 0x80

Assembly is too easy, do it in notepad

Not exactly programming jokes i guess but:
What does the “B” in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Answer: Benoit B Mandelbrot.

and

A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d like a beer.” The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?” “Yes,” replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.”


A bit more about programming but not exactly a joke:

Try writing in Malbolge. I'm actually tempted to try doing this in Malbolge, but I think that would drive me criminally insane.

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an
electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic
navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze
the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the
airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew
a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign
said "WHERE AM I ?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a
large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU
ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and
determine the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma) airport and
landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the
"YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The
pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building
because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless
answer."

Angelus, on 02 August 2013 - 01:51 AM said:

Try writing in Malbolge. I'm actually tempted to try doing this in Malbolge, but I think that would drive me criminally insane.

It took computer 2 years to make "Hello world!" in malbolge :P/>

The best thing about UDP jokes is that I don't care if you get them or not.

ZudoHackz, on 19 July 2013 - 11:14 AM said:

Spoiler

for i = 1, 500 do													
print("I will not throw paper at the teacher")		
end	

Would your IT teacher accept this for detention?

Let's translate this to Python 2.7.3!

for i in range(1, 501):
    print"I will not throw paper at the teacher"

Cdiamondz, on 06 August 2013 - 03:37 PM said:

ZudoHackz, on 19 July 2013 - 11:14 AM said:

Spoiler

for i = 1, 500 do													
print("I will not throw paper at the teacher")		
end	

Would your IT teacher accept this for detention?

Let's translate this to Python 2.7.3!

for i in range(1, 501):
	print"I will not throw paper at the teacher"

Let's not.
i have some serious psycodic hatreds against that language

A man asks his programmer friend, who is about to head down the shops, to pick up a liter of milk and if there are eggs to get 12. The programmer returned with 12 pints of milk.